The kids were toddlers turning three and this meant they were aging out of the Early Intervention of Home services. The delays in speech, motor skills and even walking were ever present. Turning three meant they were eligible for a Special needs pre-school in Poughkeepsie. We were lucky to get both of them in and it was located very close to my new work location. It was definitely divine intervention as two children aged out that year.
I forgot to mention from the time they were born we were both holding down full-time jobs. I was on first shift and my husband was on 2nd shift. It was two ships passing in the night for our entire marriage. The pre-school was only 5 minutes away from work in Poughkeepsie, so I was able to drop them off in the morning, go to work and pick them up about 1pm in the afternoon. I would work the remainder of my day at home with them. I was very lucky to work for a progressive company that knew work/life balance was the way to keeping employees happy. A lesson companies even after going through the pandemic still have not figured out and that was 1998/99. I did digress a bit. I had been working at home until they began attending preschool.
I call this my Hail Mary pass because after the isolation and lack of adult socialization I really needed that preschool more than the kids. The key to keeping sane is to maintain some sort of social life even if it is in the workplace. It was the same for my kids. They were in desperate need of socialization with peers and with a different environment for learning.
I had tried joining a few groups geared for Parents of kids with disabilities, but I never found my tribe. There were too many people caught in the depths of depression, denial, or despair. I used to call it “d to the third power.” I always stayed long enough to get the feel of the room and usually did not return. I did eventually find my tribe, but I’ll get to that in another story.
The same worries all parents have of separation anxiety and leaving their kids in a new place wore off quickly. As parents we stress far more than the kids. I waved goodbye every day and joyfully picked them up in the afternoon. They received great care and all of their services at that preschool, and I received a much-needed resurgence of companionship in my colleagues. I don’t know what I would have done without that preschool. It was a very different time and lots of techniques that I am certain are no longer used today but I have nothing but praise for the Saint Francis Special Needs Pre-school and the caring individuals who worked there in those trying times. They saved me and my kids.
My message to all of you starting this journey is simple, find your way back to socialize in any way you can and remember to take care of your own needs too.
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