This is a blog about my journey of over 25 years as a mother of twins with Autism.
My experiences from day one, with the hope that by sharing my uncensored dialogue it will make some of you see that as a parent we all have feelings that are difficult to share and that this is a safe space to share them.
The Beginning
I knew I always wanted a large family, I come from a family where there are only my older sister and myself. So, when I found out after many miscarriages that I was having triplets I was over the moon. There would be challenges along the way with it being a multiple birth and a high risk, but I knew that I wanted this more than anything, to be a mom. I had to inject myself with Heparin twice a day to avoid blood clots. It was worth it as the pregnancy progressed; I was very large. At 24 weeks I looked like I was in my eighth month. I was still very happy, and things were going smoothly until my 2nd sonogram. It showed that one of the babies was not growing at the same rate as the other two. I was told it was unlikely that the baby would survive. It was heartbreaking. I was told by one of the doctors to recite the lord's prayer and try to accept what I could not change. I think they were very hollow words when there is life growing inside you and I was not able to believe all three would not survive. I won't talk about what my husband was feeling because even to this day, I do not know. I think he was more worried about me then losing a baby.
It was at 26 weeks that things took another turn, and I was in the hospital with contractions that started very suddenly. The doctors tried to stop the contractions but were unsuccessful and it was at 26 1/2 weeks that the babies were born by cesarian. Only two survived and my Lindsey the one they had predicted was far too tiny to be saved died in my arms. My twins are really surviving triplets, but I spare everybody the uncomfortable conversation of having to say they're sorry when they find out one child has died. Somehow, the word twins always gives me pause. I think of her each time I am asked if I have children, and reply yes, I have twins. Robin and Josh were born in 1995 and preemies were not as common as they are today, so the NICU was a bit of a lab experiment. Medicine as they say is a practice. Many children died during our long stay, J. Ian was there 5 months and Robin in an effort to leave pulled her own intubation tube out and came home Christmas Day 1995 after a month and a half. She is quite a determined young lady even today.
This is where the journey begins with two very tiny babies and the challenges that lay ahead as their mom. This was not in any baby book I ever read.
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